Stephenbenard's blog

NIGERIA....My beloved country, where people..... (Add urs) ~ Check d expiry date of gala after eating it. ~ Go to church with extension and BB charger (charging in his presence). ... ~ Update on BBM "about 2 cross", get hit by a car and still update "dying tinz" ~ Say an opening prayer at nite clubs ~ Go to an eatery and buy bottled water just to watch a soccer match. ~ Go to a Shoprite, buy a bottle of coke and spend 30mins snapping with champagne bottles. ~ Dress in complete rainbow colours like its rag day and call it colour blocking. ~ Count money after withdrawing from an ATM (we trust no one, not even machines). ~ Wear head warmers at 45 degrees celsius. Keep it rolling..

In bed this morning I was asking myself "what are some Secrets to success in life"...i roamed around my room 4 a while and found the answers right there in my very room... • the fan said "be cool 😎" • the roof said "aim high" • the window said "see d opportunities in the world • the clock said "every minute is precious... • the mirror said "reflect before you act • the calendar said "be up to date • the door 🚪 said "push hard for your goals.. • the floor said "kneel down and pray... • the wash room said "flush the Bad stuffs that will deter me from being influential in life. ......nd i thought dah was all... Wen d Holy Bible laughed and said "read me for direction.

At dinner, a little boy Kanu was ordered to lead in prayer. KANU: But I don't know what to pray? DAD: Just pray for your family members. KANU: "Dear Lord," he started,"thank u for giving me such lovely parents. Thanks for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless dem so dat they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Xmas, pls send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work,AMEN!".... And there was no response!

*Buffalos kill 7 people every year.* *Lions kill 500 people every year.* *Hippos kill 800 people every year.* *Spiders kill 5000 people every year.* *Scorpions kill 7000 people every year.* *Snakes kill 10000 people every year.* *And then, surprisingly,* *Mosquitoes kill 2.7 million people every year. Yes, the smallest are the deadliest!*

AKPORS THE WICKED BOSS ======================= AKPORS is the Boss in the Office. Lets see how he is interviewing people. AKPORS: There are 500 bricks on a plane. You drop one outside. How many are left? Applicant: That's easy, 499 AKPORS: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge? Applicant: Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge. AKPORS: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge? Applicant: Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge. AKPORS: It's lion's birthday, all the animals are there except one, why? Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge. AKPORS: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles? Applicant: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday. AKPORS: Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why? Applicant: Er....I guess she drowned? AKPORS: No! She was hit by the brick. You may leave now. IS HE A GOO...

AKPORS THE WICKED BOSS ======================= AKPORS is the Boss in the Office. Lets see how he is interviewing people. AKPORS: There are 500 bricks on a plane. You drop one outside. How many are left? Applicant: That's easy, 499 AKPORS: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge? Applicant: Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge. AKPORS: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge? Applicant: Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge. AKPORS: It's lion's birthday, all the animals are there except one, why? Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge. AKPORS: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles? Applicant: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday. AKPORS: Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why? Applicant: Er....I guess she drowned? AKPORS: No! She was hit by the brick. You may leave now. IS HE A GOO...